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I started to tell my current significant other a story and stopped approximately seven words in. “What were you saying?” “Nothing. Nevermind.” “Come on, what were you going to say?” “Nothing. I realized it was not an appropriate story.”
In other company, yes, it might be an amusing little anecdote about an experience I once had. In the privacy of my apartment, while preparing dinner for the two of us, a story that pertained to a trip my ex-boyfriend and I took was unnecessary and irrelevant. But it did get me thinking… When you seriously get into a relationship, one where you no longer need to share vague, yet revealing details about your past in order to communicate how you have been hurt, how you are used to being treated, how the person you are with is exponentially better than your ex, you start to censor yourself. On some level it is a conscious decision, in the process of trying to start something new, you do not want the person you care about to feel as though they are competing with the past. But as much as it is a conscious decision, I think a part of it is subconscious, especially if you have a sincere affinity for the person. I guess censorship makes sense but at the same time I am a little torn. I do not, under any circumstances, want my current interest to feel as though…I am struggling for a word or phrase here…I just respect him too much to tell amusing anecdotes about my past relationship. But at the same time, those stories are still a part of me. They are no longer a huge part of me, they are just little tidbits that, when looked at objectively, can be amusing words to fill some space while cooking dinner. I do not have any sort of conclusion on this. Just some thoughts I wanted to put out there.
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