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I don't know if these words will ever come close to the feeling I had this past Sunday morning when I found myself inside a nice Connecticut bed and breakfast. As I lay in bed anticipating the arrival of an old friend, part of me couldn't help but think, "Are you sure this is happening?" Then, she walked in.
Before I knew it we were face to face, eyes fixated on one another like a Western gunfight where you want to know who's going to flinch first. She told me she forgave me. And that she still loved me. I asked if it was real. I even pinched her. She even pinched me. And so I told her that she was the only girl I ever really loved. And that I was sorry. And then we kissed. And I was happy. But as we left the cozy Connecticut bed and breakfast to travel onwards, part of me couldn't help but think, "I'm leaving behind my way back to New York." As we arrived at her desired location, I realized, something felt different. We were no longer in each other's embrace. We were still smiling, still close, but it was if the ten minute drive drifted us ten years apart. As the day wore on, I told her I would have to get going, that I had to go to work on Monday, and without a fight or even goodbye, she let me go. And as I walked down the road back from which we came, I couldn't help but take notice of the trees, the maple leaves, and all the beauty that surrounded me. Then, it stopped. There was no fade to blackout. No credits played at the end of this movie. I was on my mattress. In my apartment. Alone. In New York. I was back where I needed to be, but without the person I wanted to be with. So I did what only now, after years of hard drinking, crying, and being depressed could not calm. I told myself, "I need to write about this." And after taking deep breathes, listening to my heart beat settle, and yes, wiping away a few tears, I wrote you this story. I've been told that once you experience a dream, whatever message it tells you doesn't exactly come true. I don't know too much about all of you, but I do know that right now living and working in New York and being passionate about what I'm doing with my life is my dream. And it has come true. Funny thing about that walk home: I never looked back. And I never will
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